What are you waiting for…

 

March to April…April to May…May to June…June to July…That’s me counting in my head how many months it’s been since I posted last.  That really is shameful.  I mean really…you can’t come up with 1 hour in three and a half months time to spare, to write one little blog post.  It’s not that I’ve forgotten that I have one…by no means.  Every morning when I wake up my head reminds me that I really should write something today.  And every night when I lay my head down, it reminds me again that I didn’t accomplish this task.  This isn’t the only task hanging over my head everyday that I am reminded I didn’t accomplish.  I know I’m not alone in this world.  This world where you have so many good intentions, but you just never really get around to them.  Even though there are definitely times where I feel that I must be the only one failing so miserable at this life!  When I’m working on something I feel guilty that I should be playing on the floor with the baby, or reading a book with the 4 year old, or making the 10 year old get off the tv and do some kind of awesome, Pinterest inspired science project.  And if I’m doing one of these things, which isn’t very often (especially the Pinterest inspired science project), I feel guilty because I’m not working on some much needed project.  The dishes, the laundry, cleaning the floors, dusting, prepping meals, making lists, paying bills, painting all my unfinished flea market booth projects, finishing redecorating the boys rooms, and the list goes on and on…I see these people that seem to have it all together.  They are so full of energy.  They always plan the best activities with their families.  They’re losing weight and making money doing it.  They redo the best vintage furniture pieces.  They bake and sell the best decorated cakes.  Their children are active in multiple events and excel in them.  They have their own businesses.  They are always cooking some gourmet treat and somehow sneakily convincing their children to eat spinach hidden in a muffin.  Their DIY skills are through the roof.  They adopt other children (I can barely survive my own).  They write books, magazines, and blogs.  They can paint beautiful pictures.  They love to get down on the floor and play with their kids.  They are artist with a camera.  Their parties are the bomb (yes I said the bomb).  Their house is always perfectly decorated.  They exercise on a regular basis.   They are always full of wisdom. Honestly, I could go on and on.  Of course, I’m not speaking of just one woman…I’m speaking about all the different amazing qualities of the women that cross my path on a regular basis.  I aspire to just have a little bit of each of these women.  Everyday, I ask myself, what am I waiting for?  When am I going to get it together! I recently lost a very close loved one.  I’d dare to say she was one of my biggest fans.  She always supported me in my silly little ventures, like this blog, my flea market booth, and even got all on board with every silly little theme I had for each child’s birthday party.  She’d make sure the gift wrap and the card matched whatever the theme was! This world is just not the same without her.  One of the reasons I’ve had a hard time writing a blog post was because I knew she wouldn’t be there to read it.  The two birthdays we just celebrated were hard to plan also.  There weren’t any cards in the mail for the boys this time like there always has been over the years.  Her untimely death makes me question myself even more.  Life is so short, what are you waiting for?  I’d like to say that this is enough motivation to get myself in gear.  But, unfortunately, every morning I barely roll out of bed, I drag myself around all day, and then I plop back in bed having only accomplished the mandatory and not much else.  I wonder how other people see me.  Was she the only one that thought I did something impressive?  If so, what’s the point now?  I have so many thoughts go through my head.  I know I’m not the only one.  Life really is tough.  Life really is short.  Somehow I’m going to grab ahold of this concept and I’m going to make the most of this life…right after I take a nap, haha!  So, tomorrow I turn 38 (yeah, that’s probably what this whole post is really about) and I’m going to wake up and ask myself, “what are you waiting for?”…And this is going to be my answer…I’m not waiting on anything.  I’m doing the best I can with the season of life that I’m in.  I’m not always the best mother, wife or friend.  I don’t do everything Pinterest worthy.  I have extra weight because I birthed three beautiful boys.  I don’t eat right bc I’m to busy taking care of everyone else.  My house is clean and pretty enough for us.  My booth and blog are just a hobby, they don’t have to be worked on everyday.  I can cook any meal or make any DIY with a good recipe to follow.  My children are happy and healthy.  I strive to have wisdom even if I don’t always have time to gain it.  I care enough to want to be better and what I’m waiting for is the day when I look back and say “I did all that?  I didn’t do so bad after all!” =)

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